Letters to my Yami
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: YAOI! Ryou has died, leaving behind Bakura. Ryou had a journal, telling his feelings and Bakura reads it. (...this summary sucks...but if you like my other work, please read this!!! Onegai!) :P
1. Goodbye my love

disclaimers: Do not own Yugioh.....yet at any rate... If I did....yummy shower scenes. Yami Bakura naked the entire time......^_^  
  
Yami B: *Groans* not her hentai mood!  
  
Ak: @_@  
  
THIS IS YAOI!! DONT LIKE, BYE BYE  
  
Heero: Omae a korosu (those not familiar with GW: I'm going to kill you)  
  
Duo: Don't let the door hit you on the way out!  
  
Yami B: .........damn. DON'T LEAVE ME! I dont wanna watch Duo and Heero have wild monkey sex anymore  
  
Heero: Omae a korosu  
  
Duo: Monkey sex?! Wanna join?!  
  
Yami B: *in Cartman voice* I'm going home (leaves to his soul room)  
  
Duo: How about that monkey sex now?  
  
Heero: Hn  
  
Ak: HEY! WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! *covers readers eyes* You two have to wait until I have the lemon scene in my ficlet! Okay?  
  
Heero/Duo: *unenthusicastically* Yes ma'am.  
  
Ak: Good. On with the fic  
  
LETTERS TO MY YAMI  
  
Yami Bakura knelt beside the headstone, fingers tracing intricate patterns on the marble surface. A few tears krept from underneath his eyelashes. The young man sighed deeply, eyeing the name that was engraved. RYOU BAKURA. Yami Bakura sniffled, not caring that he was betraying a weakness. There wasn't another soul in sight, except for the souls of the dead. Bakura sank to his knees. Ryou had died merely a week before and it was hard for Bakura to return to normal. It was like his heart had been ripped from his chest. The dead pain inside of him would not dissappear. To make it worse...he never got the chance to tell Ryou how he felt.  
  
Bakura closed his eyes, remembering the crushing in his heart when he felt Ryou slipping into the next demension. Ryou had been diagnosed with cancer to late and by the time it was caught, Ryou was well onto his way of dying. He had been hospitalized the entire last month of his life. However, Bakura made sure that last month was the best. Bakura cursed himself. Why had he been so full of pride that he couldn't utter the three words that might have made a difference? Until the very end, Ryou had died thinking that Bakura didnt love him. Bakura sighed.  
  
"Why was I so blind? Why didnt I just say fuck it and love you the way you deserved?" Bakura whispered. "Why did I make your life a living hell? Why did it take you getting cancer for me to realize I loved you?" Bakura could almost feel Ryou with him. "If only I could go back in time and redo everything wrong I did, but that won't happen. I can't do that. I can only live with my mistakes. I only hope that, wherever you are, you forgive me for being such a bastard to you."  
  
The sound of a door slamming and of footsteps jolted Bakura from his talk with Ryou's grave. The snow haired yami rose, composed and dry eyed. He kept his back to the approacher, wanting to savor the last few moments of peace. "Bakura....its time to go over his will." Bakura nodded, twirling around, the black trenchcoat billowing. Yami Yugi was facing him, a look of utter conern in his ruby eyes. Bakura didn't bother with speaking to his fellow akutenshi. He walked by and headed for the car.  
  
The ride to Seto's corporation was in silence, none of those present in the car bothering to speak. It had been agreed that Seto's lawyers take care of Ryou's will since, both had been good friends. It had hit Seto hard, almost as much as Bakura, when the news had been released. Seto insisted he be the one to pay for Ryou's hospitalization and treatments as well as any other concerns. Bakura was somewhat suspicious of Seto's adamant caring nature and little did he know his suspiciousons were true. Bakura had never liked Seto and he had all the more reason to hate him.  
  
Bakura followed wordlessly behind the group, eyes devoid of any emotions. Inside, however, he was sobbing like a child. Everytime he closed his eyes, he thought of Ryou, especially the night he died. Bakura had been awake, like usual, holding his little light in his arms when suddenly Ryou's life force just.....slipped away. There was no fight, no struggle, no pain. Just a light that was extinguished. Bakura was shocked for a few minutes before he screamed. He had to be pried from his aibou by Seto, Yami, Joey, and Honda. He took one look at Ryou's prone body, one look at the teary eyed group, before bolting. It had been Yami who searched for him and brought him back.  
  
Bakura glared at a wiry man in glasses, noting him as the lawyer. Bakura sank down in one of the plush seats, hands resting in his lap. The man cleared his throat, getting everyones attention. "First I would like to extend my condolensces for your loss. He was too young to die and-" He was cut off by a growl from Bakura. The man grimaced. "Uh, my name is Hojo Shitaka. Ryou's will is not that complex and since he was a minor, not much can be divied out until the date when he becomes an adult." Hojo rummaged through his briefcase, producing a document. "Ryou has left you all with a video. It seems that he knew he was going to die."  
  
Bakura gnawed his lip, eyes focused on the television screen. Ryou's face appeared and Bakura was shocked to notice that it was several months before his being diagnosed with cancer. "Hello. If your watching this, then I've died. I'm not entirely sure why I have this feeling that I won't be around much longer but its present and I am not going to heed it wrong. I suppose a brief will is in store. My trust fund that my father so generously has given me, I would like half of it to divided among my friends evenly, the other half I wish for it to be given to the Maxwell Chuch. The orphanage deserves that money and the children as well." Bakura frowned. He'd never known about the church.  
  
Hojo paused the tape. "The money that Mr. Bakura gave Ryou is in the amount of two million yen." An audible gasp occured. "Mr.Bakura informed me that the money was laying in waste anyway, since he was never home to enjoy it and Ryou was the only child."  
  
Hojo pressed play. "That is all the material wealth I have. I want Bakura to have my belongings. I know he will be living on in this realm once I have passed over into the next. Bakura may act strong, but I know better. He'll need you all now." A sad smile played on Ryou's lips and he remained quiet for several seconds before starting again. "Yami....take care of Yugi, ne?" The pharoah and aibou were cuddled close, tears streaking their faces. "Yugi, dont ever loose that which you know I love about you. Your are a dear brother to me Yugi for, it was you who chose to be my friend. Joey, you protected me that one time, remember?" Bakura definetly recalled it. Joey had threatened to kill him should he harm Ryou again. "You will never know how much that meant to me. Marik, Yami Malik...both of you have been there for me. Even though neither of you will ever admit it." Both the blonde Egyptian's blushed, the darker comforting his lighter half who, despite his evil tendencies, was openly sobbing at the loss of his best friend. "The others, who are not present, give them my thanks for allowing me to be in the group. It meant alot to finally feel a sense of belonging. Seto and Bakura." Both the young men raised glanced at each other.  
  
"Ryou requested everyone leave, including me, but you two."  
  
As soon as they left, Bakura resumed watching the video, wondering why Seto was with him. Ryou smiled. "I know what your thinking, Yami. Seto......I could not give you my heart as much as I wanted to." Bakura glared at Seto, the taller boy's eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "When you told me how you felt, I was estatic. I honestly wanted us to be together." A shy blush mantled Ryou's cheeks. "But...my heart was elsewhere, still is, forever will be. Seto...you were the first person to ever show an interest in me other than for a quick roll in the sheets." Ryou chuckled. "Neither of you know much about me it would seem but that will change." Ryou dissappeared for a few minutes and appeared with a thick, leather bound journal. "I kept this from two days before meeting Yami to...well...whenever I die. It has all my feelings in it, things about myself and my past that you do not know. I want you to read it Yami and tell Seto about it. Seto, leave the room if you would. There's something I want to tell Yami alone."  
  
Seto patted Bakura's shoulder on his way out. Bakura frowned, staring at the screen, stopping himself from crying. Ryou sighed. "Yami...I only wish I could have been more like you. So strong and brave. I never hated you Yami. How could I? Those beatings you gave me, they weren't the worse I had recieved from other people. In fact, those fights helped me..kind of." Ryou laughed and Bakura longed to hear that laugh in person. "You never...truly hurt me. That wasn't your intention, I know that now. You wanted me strong. You saw how those people, like Reno, treated me. I'm afraid that I couldn't change. I am who I am. You are who you are. Yami...." Ryou swallowed, tears leaving twin saline trails behind. "The person who holds my heart is you. I love you Yami."  
  
Bakura's world stopped. His heart skipped several beats. Ryou loved him. Ryou really loved him! And now it was too late. "Why didn't you tell me?!" Bakura yelled, sobbing into this hands. Bakura's body shook with the violent force of his tears.  
  
"Yami....I was never sure of your feelings for you. I mean, there were those times when it seemed you shared my sentiments. Like..that time you held me. You were so sweet and caring that I knew you felt it too! And then, that time..we kissed." Bakura raised his head. "Well, the first time. It was my dream come true but..the second after you kissed me, you punched me across the jaw. All of those mixed signals were confusing. I didnt know how to react. I didnt know what would happen if I had told you." Ryou glanced off camera. "Well. I think I should end this. Yami, read my journal so...I can be at ease. There are things I want you to know. I love you, always and forever."  
  
Bakura stared at the now blank screen, unmoving. He didn't hear the door open, didn't hear the hushed whispers, didn't feel hands on his shoulders. Soon, the noise was gone. Bakura snapped from his thoughts and stared down at the table in front of him. The journal. Bakura lovingly traced ledger. Opening the cover, he read the words. 'Yami, I want you to read this. Read it all. Love, Ryou.' He turned to the first page...  
  
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What'd you think!? Review! Yes! Please!!!!! 


	2. Journal I

disclaimers: Do not own Yugioh.....yet at any rate... If I did....yummy shower scenes. Yami Bakura naked the entire time......^_^  
  
Yami B: *Groans* not her hentai mood!  
  
Ak: @_@  
  
THIS IS YAOI!! DONT LIKE, BYE BYE  
  
note: Ryou MIGHT becoming back. Also...this will have a SetoixYami Bakura romance and a past SetoixYami romance...kinda. Later on MAYBE SetoxYami BakuraxRyou  
  
LETTERS TO MY YAMI  
  
April 10, 2061  
  
I've decided to keep a journal, a present from my father. I'm not exactly sure what to write. I've never done this sort of thing before. My name is Ryou Bakura and I'm fourteen. Today is my birthday but you can hardly call it that. Father is in Egypt, on an archaelogical dig. This isn't the first birthday he's missed and definetely not the last. Ever since Mother died, he's been so distant towards me but Mother's death did hit us both hard. I can't believe its been seven years. I've been alone. I dont complain. When your parents are too in love with each other to notice their own child, you get used to the idea of spending eternity lonely. I'm too shy to approach girls and boys intimidate me so, I really dont give myself a chance to have friends. I havent even been kissed yet. Perhaps, its my ill fate.  
  
Bakura, to put it mildly, was shocked. He never thought RYou was ~that~ lonely.  
  
April 11, 2061  
  
My birthday was alright. Father called. He said he would be home tomorrow. How long will he stick around this time? I've been living on my own since I was seven so it doesn't bother me anymore. I can't really blame Father. He does have to do his job. Father says he has bought me a gift. This will be a first. Maybe he's making up for lost times? I doubt that but I can hope. My day was horrible. I got asked out again by Keiko. She wanted me to go the dance tomorrow night. Then...Reno propositioned me again. He won't leave me alone. I'm scared. I think he knows where I live. Reno's this senior who has taken a shine to me. The first time we met, I thought he was nice. I ran into him. He helped me pick up my books, our hands touched. No matter how nice he seemed, I was petrified. I have never had that close of contact with another human being. and it made me uncomfortable. I may be like this because of not enough affection from my parents. Reno started to plan his run ins with me; in the hall, at lunch. He'd find ways to touch me. It was alright then but a couple weeks ago, he started to touch me elsewhere and making me do the same to him. I'm only terrified he'll make me do more or worse; rape me. I dont have any one to go to so...looks like I'm on my own.  
  
Bakura sighed, turning the page. He remembered the confrontation with Reno. Bakura had wrongly accused Ryou of bringing the attention to himself. Reno had paid, of course, for laying his hands on Ryou but Ryou had been punished as well.  
  
April 12, 2061  
  
I'm finally by myself. Yami went into his soul room. Who's Yami? The evil spirit that is in my Sennen Ring; the gift from my father. He's like my twin except taller, broader, his hair is spiky, and his eyes are sharper. When I first saw him...I thought 'wow, he's hot.' Because he is. Its narcissitc but..I can't help what I think Could I be gay? No, I can't be. I dont..I dont know what I like. OH well. Yami's attitude is horrible. He hit me! Twice! And it hurt so much. I thought we could be friends. He said that it was my fault Reno tried to rape me. Thats right. Reno followed me home and wanted to have his way with me. Yami came out of the ring and he punched Reno. I was overjoyed that Reno was knocked out. Then, Yami turned on me and punched me square in the jaw, which still throbs. I really wanted us to be friends but he's like a dictator. He doesnt want me hanging around anybody, something I dont understand.  
  
Bakura traced the Eyptian hieroglyphs on the edge of the paper. The reason he kept Ryou from other people was because bastards like Reno would try to take advantage of his innocence. Bakura sighed. Did he Ryou honestly think he hated him so much?  
  
April 13, 2061  
  
I didnt' go to school today. Yami tried to make me but I curled up and refused to move. He left me alone. I stayed in bed and didn't bother getting up. I hurt all over. Not only physically, but emotionally. I finally woke up around five this evening. I was so afraid to see him and when I did...I had no reason to fear him at that moment. I went into the kitchen and there he was, just getting finished fixing me something to eat. Our eyes met and in that brief instant, I could see the underlying concern for my well being as he put the food on the table. But, as quickly as it came it was gone. He didnt bother looking at me as he left. I was hurt...to say the least. He's so confusing! Does he like me or hate me? I know I like him..maybe more. I'm blushing. I do everytime I think about it. Do I love him? I'm not sure if its that yet. I've only known him for a few days but what I feel inside of me is so deep. Could he be my soulmate? Now I'm talking crazy! He'd never look twice at me. He doesn't like me even as a friend. The signs are mixed. One minute he's punching me, the next hes making me dinner. I dont know but I do know I dont want to go back to school tomorrow. Reno's going to be waiting. I'm even more scared. I even wish Reno had gone through with raping me, then he'd leave me alone. Thats how it always is, someone gets what they want and then dont bother with them-at least in movies. Will Yami come out again tomorrow? I..I hope not. He could get me in serious trouble.  
  
A voice reached Bakura's ears and it seemed he had been too enthralled with reading Ryou's journal to hear. Bakura blinked, eyes focusing. Seto was standing, arms crossed as he shivered in the chill room; the cool April breeze coming through the open windows. Bakura glanced at the billionaire. "Yes?"  
  
".....I came here to see if you were doing alright."  
  
"I'm fine!" Bakura snapped. "I dont need your pity!"  
  
"I'm not pitying you Bakura. I'm just offering my sympathy and.......if you need someone..I'm here."  
  
"I'd go to Yami before you."  
  
"..You truly hate me that much? I hope that with Ryou's death you'd learn some compassion."  
  
Bakura lept to his feet, roughly grabbing Seto by his collar. "Dont you EVER mention that again!!! Do you fucking hear me! NEVER!!" Bakura slammed Seto against the wall. "Just drop it Seto," Bakura, his strength deserting him, collapsed to the floor. "Go," he whispered, fearing that he would break down in front of Seto.  
  
"I'm not leaving you Bakura." Seto knelt beside the heartbroken tomb robber. He drew the white haired yami into a comforting hug, not letting him go. Bakura protested but gave in to the warmth. "Bakura...I'm sorry."  
  
"Why him Seto?" Bakura didnt mind the tears now. It was too late to be proud. "Why Ryou? He never hurt anyone. His entire life was full of so much loneliness and pain."  
  
Seto sighed, resting his head against Bakura's, rubbing the trembling young man's back in small circles. "I can't answer you that Bakura. All I can say is that life does that. Sometimes, it takes those we love the most."  
  
"What would you know about it?"  
  
Seto let out a deep breath. "I lost someone that I valued more importantly than anything. I loved him but...he decided that it would be best if he never saw me again. I was the his high priest and he was the pharoah . Had our tryst been discovered.... He did what he thought was best and in the end..it turned out to be right. The other priests had been onto our affair for some time and was just about to expose us. You see Bakura, fate tore us apart but in the end, it was more than justified in its reasons."  
  
Bakura nodded, rising to his feet. He was dry eyed, all remnants of his crying vanished. "Yami meant that much to you," he stated, watching the myriad waves of emotions on Seto's face. Bakura smiled faintly. "And now he hates you. Ironic."  
  
"....It hurts to know that he does. It doesn't matter though. The past is the past."  
  
"Seto...how did you move on?" Bakura's voice was small and almost child- like.  
  
"..I didn't. I never will. Nobody can replace Yami in my heart and soul."  
  
"You mean..your alone?  
  
"Yes. I dont have anyone."  
  
"......Like me."  
  
Seto opened the door to leave, Bakura behind him. He paused. "...Maybe."  
  
"Maybe? Whats that supposed to me?" Bakura asked as they walked through Seto's corporation. Most of the staff had already retired to home, the others gave no heed to their boss and the yami.  
  
"....We need each other now Bakura and I'm willing if you are."  
  
Bakura bit his lip. What did he say? Could he really do this so shortly after Ryou's death? Bakura ran through his options. There was no way Ryou could come back to life unless he collected all the Sennen Items and the chances of that were slim to none. He thought about all of his cohorts. Yami and Yugi, he was sure he could never break that up. Joey had a relationship with Mai, one that despite their constant arguing would last for years. Honda was dating Tea, Bakura wanted niether of them in the first place. Malik and Marik were inseperable. Mokuba was just too young and Serenity was dating some guy in another city. That left; Seto. Bakura sighed. What would happen to Ryou's memory? Would he forget him? There was no likely of that happening but still..he wasn't comfortable with the thought of being with anyone yet. "Can you give me some time?"  
  
"Take however long you want Bakura. Its not like I'm going anywhere." Seto noticed they were at the intersections of their two streets, one leading to a huge mansion the other to a cozy house. He took Bakura's hand. "You can come and talk to me about anything."  
  
"..We'll see."  
  
Seto nodded. He brushed his lips softly against Bakura's. "Bye." Bakura watched Seto dash towards his house, the cold spring obviously affecting the young man. Bakura tucked the journal more securely underneath his arm. Ryou's insecurities and past was so new to Bakura; even after knowing him for a couple years. Bakura glanced up at the fading sun towards the coming moon. "I hope that you can forgive me Ryou...for all I did. I hope you forgive me for..for considering Seto's proposal." As if in answer, a star twinkled.  
  
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Thanks for reviewing!!! :P  
  
no name (*sobs* I might bring Ryou back if the plot lets it happen. I'm not entirely sure yet!) Raye Yuy (thank you..lol. Everyone is crying!!! jeepers... *cries too* I did cry while writing this. I just lost a best friend in a car crash and he left his journal. thats where this idea came from) invader mya and her yamis (i'm sorry for making you cry!) Shadow Spirit (*hides underneath her turtle shell* I wouldnt dream of ending this! specially with such nice reviews!! Angst is fun...kinda..sorda..not really.. I just cant seem to write anything else!) Wildwolf (how about that?!! lol. now there really is going to be one!! whee! setoxyami b!) Growlygirl (poor Bakura. Hes so sad! Thank you for saying it was great. :P) Spyder (Yikes! I continued! *hides* Dont hurt me!) sixth child (glad you liked it) Sarina (everyone is so sad....XD. It'll get better. promise!) Ginny (awww, i sorry it was so sad) Asian Angel (I agree cliffies should die but. lmao, they make the reader come back!) ChaosEnd (hai, poor Ryou...;_;) firedraygon (dont hate me!! meep! i continued though! :P) rainbowscale (oh, it gets sadder when Reno really does rape poor lil Ryou) Fog (that made you hyper? whoa) Chifufuin girl (I'm sorry! lol, i couldnt kill yami bakura too!) Vampire Huntress D (I feel sorry for him too...*sobs*) paperlilac(i'll make it happy *grumbles*) Chibi Malik (eek! i continued asap *looks the fics piling up that need to be updated*) Shenya (heres more! ahh, no more cry!) Yugilover(eeep! sorry for making you cry. *hides tears* it was too sad!) hotarumaxwell (aye, poor ryou and bakura- kun.) Pigonkey (since you ordered me too I hurried up! XD) DorfsandNab4eva (i made bakura-kun cry! i'm so sorry! but..i'm talented? well, thanks!) Shoyra (i did as soon as i could. i have a ton to update!) Ruby/Luna: (By Ra...i'll bring Ryou back...*sighs*)DragonLupinZero (Its not going to be finished for awhile) Crystal Star (couples are the top of the page. :P I was going to do a YamixYami Bakura but..Seto did love Ryou so I figured they could be a couple! Ryou had cancer)  
  
*blinks a whole bunch* Thats a lot of reviews!! *hope she gets the same number this time* Well, I'm off to update more! 


	3. Look of Love

disclaimers: Do not own Yugioh.....yet at any rate... If I did....yummy shower scenes. Yami Bakura naked the entire time......^_^  
  
Yami B: *Groans* not her hentai mood!  
  
Ak: @_@  
  
THIS IS YAOI!! DONT LIKE, BYE BYE  
  
summary: Ryou has died (um...gomen for always killing him and with cancer. its just...well.. I might have leukemia and its the first thing that pops into my mind when writing a death fic. ) leaving behind a journal for Bakura to read, detailing things about his life that Bakura never knew. Romance between SetoxBakura later on, SetoxRyou in the past, and flashbacks of Ryou+Bakura. (no...yaoi but very light shonen ai. The two were NOT together in the past)  
  
LETTERS TO MY YAMI  
  
Bakura rose from the empty bed, feeling cold and lonely. It was like this in the morning's. The yami would think of Ryou, drift into the memories of the gentle hikari. Ryou's profile centered in most of flashbacks, those were the only times Bakura had ever known happiness. That was why Bakura did most of the things he did to Ryou, he was scared of his emotions. Joy and love were such alien feelings that it petrified him and now..it was too late to bask in the bliss of having someone-Ryou-to love.  
  
Bakura glanced around the interior of the empty bedroom, taking in the essence that had been Ryou. The hug's that his hikari would give him when he came out of his soul room. The way he brightened even the most miserable of days. Bakura traced a photograph of Ryou and himself, lingering on the softer half's figure. How could such a horrible fate become one so wonderful? Bakura's eyes misted, refusing the onslaught of tears. He would not cry over Ryou any more, it was a lost cause. Tears wouldn't bring his hikari back to him..nothing could, only the Sennen Items.  
  
Bakura sighed deeply, bare feeting padding along the hardwood floor, into the hall. It was still dark outside, a habit that Ryou used to curse when his yami woke at such an 'ungodly' hour. Bakura could still hear Ryou's huffs of annoyance. Bakura leaned against the wall, head resting against the side. Would the dulling pain inside ever dissipate? When he closed his eyes, Ryou would appear as he had been before he became ill.  
  
Bakura glanced at the clock, 5:35. He wondered if Seto was awake yet and...if he would talk to him. Bakura picked up the telephone, nervously dialing Seto's number. It rang twice before a sleepy voice snapped, "What?!"  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes, Seto was obviously not a morning person. "I woke ~you?~" Bakura asked, voice ladeled with sarcasm.  
  
Seto's heavy lidded eyes snapped open at the voice on the other end. He nearly dropped the glass of water, staring incredulously at the phone in his hand. Seto shook his head, disbelieving that the stoic yami was actually calling him. "B..Bakura?"  
  
"It sure isn't the tooth fairy."  
  
Seto chuckled, it was definetely Yami Bakura. Seto sat at the kitchen table, smiling to himself. Bakura was taking him up on the offer. "..You just wake Bakura?"  
  
"Yes. You?"  
  
"No, I've been up for about an hour now. Work..."  
  
Bakura frowned. "You work too hard Seto."  
  
"You better be careful Bakura...it sounds like you actually care."  
  
"Maybe I do," Bakura muttered, surprising himself and Seto. However...it wasn't as ~bad~ as Bakura thought it would be...it felt kind of nice, the warm flurry of emotions dancing around his knotted stomach. It had only happened once in his life; to Ryou and this wasn't even as strong as what he had been feeling for his hikari. "You should take a break."  
  
"And do what?"  
  
".....Be with me..." Bakura whispered, hating how weak he sounded; his voice light and hesitant. Made him feel like a school girl. "You did say you would be there for me and...well...I've been thinking about Ryou alot lately and I need something to get it off my mind."  
  
"So I'm just your last resort?"  
  
Bakura glared at the phone. "No Seto. Your my only resort."  
  
Seto stifled the excited giggle, biting down his tongue. "I cant just not show up to work Bakura."  
  
"Hold on." Bakura grabbed the other phone, one with a seperate line. A woman's voice came on the other end. "Kaiba Corporation, you've reached Seto Kaiba's desk, how may I help you?"  
  
"Kaiba is not coming into work today, he's taking the day off."  
  
"Uh....yes. May I ask who this is?"  
  
"Not your business," Bakura hung up and switched to the phone resting in his hand. "Yes you can Seto. and your not going in today."  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"I told them you weren't coming because you were too sore from being fucked your boyfriend."  
  
"What?!!!" Seto howled, eyes growing rounder.  
  
Bakura sighed. "Seto no baka."  
  
"Oh..you didn't, did you?"  
  
"Of course not. I told them you were taking the day off."  
  
"Bakura...you can be a pain in the ass sometimes."  
  
"I know."  
  
"What do you want to do today?"  
  
"...Whatever."  
  
"Um... Do you want me to come over and then we'll decide?" Bakura 'hned' in to the phone, hanging up leaving Seto to gaze in shock. He would be..alone...with Bakura. Seto smiled, feeling giddy for some reason. The smile immediately vanished. Bakura wasn't ready to move on after losing Ryou only a week ago but Seto was surely going to try to keep Bakura's mind off of Ryou and he was prepared to do whatever it would take.  
  
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No journal entries but....both Seto and Bakura will read it next chapter. ^_~ and a lot of surprises come to them including Ryou's desires for Bakura. XD  
  
Thanks for reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *_* 


	4. Journal II

disclaimers: Do not own Yugioh.....yet at any rate... If I did....yummy shower scenes. Yami Bakura naked the entire time......^_^ All other namebranded names in here I dont own either.  
  
Yami B: *Groans* not her hentai mood!  
  
Ak: @_@  
  
THIS IS YAOI!! DONT LIKE, BYE BYE  
  
summary: Ryou has died leaving behind a journal for Bakura to read, detailing things about his life that Bakura never knew. Romance between SetoxBakura later on, SetoxRyou in the past, and flashbacks of Ryou+Bakura. (no...yaoi but very light shonen ai. The two were NOT together in the past)  
  
LETTERS TO MY YAMI  
  
Bakura stared at Ryou's journal where it rested on one of the end tables next to the couch. His lips twitched in indecision. Should he take it or no? Ryou would have wanted that. Bakura was beginning to realise that Ryou and Seto were incredibly close; perhaps Seto was the only one that Ryou had. They had hidden it well. Was he angry? .....No. Bakura searched his emotions and fury towards Seto was not one of the conflictiong feelings. He grabbed the ledger and dissappeared.  
  
Seto was already expecting him, dressed in casual clothes and standing regally, head held high. "I did not know you could apparate."  
  
"All yami's can." He shrugged, knowing no other way to describe it. Bakura hesitantly showed Seto the journal; a mixture of anxiety, fear, and hope flitted Seto's features. "With you being as close as you were to Ryou...." He delibrately left the sentence unfinished. "You don't have to read it but if you are curious, the offer's open to read it with me."  
  
"I'd like that, alot," Seto said softly. He knew how much it ached in Bakura's soul to be parted with Ryou. A question loomed in his mind. "Bakura, will you die?"  
  
"....No, I will not. I can only be sent to the Shadow Realm. I will never be united with Ryou. Besides, even if I did die by some mortal cause, I wouldn't join Ryou. I'd be in the Realm of the Dead, under my own gods. I would be with Osiris. Ryou is in heaven, since his religion is of Christianity. His god and my gods do not interact."  
  
"There is nothing you can do?" Seto was overcome by a wave of remorse and sorrow from the person he was beginning to see as a friend...perhaps more if it were allowed-if Bakura would agree to such a thing. It was disheartening to know that Bakura and Ryou couldn't even share the afterlife together. Did Shaddi not weight the designated person's soul and send them to Anubis to be sorted?  
  
Bakura chose to ignore his probing and focused on the task at hand. "Aren't you going to invite me inside?" he asked lazily. Seto stepped aside, eyes closing, inhaling the musky scent that belonged to Bakura. So...spicy and exotic, Ryou's had been the exact opposite. Whenever they kissed, he tasted of chocolate, French Roast cappicino, and Lemon Zingers.  
  
Bakura peered around the interior disinteresteldy, noting several Ancient Egyptian arftifacts that Ryou had no doubt given to Seto as gifts. How long had they dated? How close did they remain after the initial seperation? And was his death tearing Seto up as much as it was him? Bakura actually ~looked~ at Seto. The chestnut hair had grown to his shoulders and seemed to be weighed down by stress; striking sapphire blue eyes were dulled to the point of lifelessness, rimmed by dark circles from lack of sleep; the already creamy white skin was paler than normal. "When did you last rest?"  
  
Seto was taken aback by the scrutiny. "I..uh, last night..."  
  
Bakura gently cupped Seto's cheek, fingers carressing the flesh. "You're lieing."  
  
"....I haven't slept more than three hours since..since his death."  
  
Bakura nodded, understanding. He retracted his hand, confused by his actions. He sank onto one of the leather couches, languidly stretching his limber legs. "I can either read this aloud or you can read it with me."  
  
The taller young man eased beside Bakura, thighs brushing against his and shoulders inches apart. Bakura spread the book across their joined laps, cursing himself for the reddening of his nose and cheeks. Seto, too, calmed his speeding pulse. The pages turned, revealing more of Ryou's guarded emotions.  
  
April 15, 2061  
  
I was saved today. Tall, dark, and handsome (Okay, maybe not dark) with the bluest eyes and coldest expression. Ironic, isn't it? Just like Yami. I didn't get his name. I'm still new to this school and city but I noticed he doesn't associate with the remaining students. I wonder what tragedy occured to make him this way?  
  
Seto chuckled dryly. "I was a nameless face and he was already planning a way to help me." Bakura raised a brow. "He once told me, a few weeks after we started dating, that he felt I was the one that needed to be saved from my demons. He wanted to save you too, Bakura."  
  
But back to him saving me. I felt the prescene of my yami vanish and I really dont want to know to where he was going. Does he have a lover or something? I'd rather not think of that. Jealously is new... So, I was a little late leaving gym. I was in the locker rooms, dressing and Reno comes. I swear to God, one day, I'm going to make him pay. He told me that I would regret what I did but then HE appeared. Full of confidence (might have been arrogance but I'm not going to call him that until I get to know him) and with an aura that commnaded obedience, he told Reno to leave me alone or he would press sexual harrassment charges against him. I was so happy! But...who is he? And why do I feel this drawn to him?  
  
Bakura's left eye twitched, glaring at Seto. "When did you two start dating?"  
  
"May 7th." Bakura's glowwer increased in rage. "Bakura, if you hadn't been such an ass to Ryou, it would have been you with him and not me. He needed a safe outlet and I provided it. He called me Yami Tenshi. Dark Angel. He told me, I was his guardian and I swore I would keep him safe from the moment that bastard Reno threatened him. I failed, however, when you became under the influence of Malik and his hikari. He could have been killed and nearly was. If it wasn't for a last intervention on Shaddi's behalf, you would in the Shadow Realm." Bakura blanched, not liking to be reminded of his near-end.  
  
April 17, 2061  
  
Sorry I haven't been writing lately but I've been incredibly busy! Yami's kept quiet, I think he's been coming up with plans to steal that Yugi Mutou's Sennen Puzzle. Why does he have to share my body? Yet, he can split into his own form as well. He's insane. There's no question about it. Though, mind you, that doesn't make me love him any less. Its just another wall that keeps me from admitting my feelings. Demolish one wall and another springs up! I think God is mocking me. Its unfair. If you could see me, I'm pouting.  
  
Bakura and Seto rolled their eyes. Ryou was notorious for pouting when he deemed God was against him and he wasn't getting his way.  
  
So, onto why I've been busy. (Other than participating in Bakura's conferences, he would make a good business man.) I found out that my savior's name is Seto Kaiba; yes, the same Kaiba from Kaiba Corporation! I have a crush on a billionaire! Oh, and from what that Joey boy says, Seto's an asshole who refuses friendship. He said Seto even ripped up Yugi's grandpa's Blue Eyes White Dragon out of pure spite!  
  
Seto growled, gripping the edge of the journal tightly. "Damn that fucking Inu," he hissed. "Joey hated me from the very beginning. I know he tried to prevent Ryou and I from becoming friends and...what they didn't know, lovers."  
  
"Maybe he wanted Ryou for himself. It seemed Ryou was always attracting unwanted attention."  
  
"No, I dont think he wanted Ryou. I think he wanted you." Bakura gaped. "As someone who was observing from the outside looking in, Joey found ways to piss you off just so he could touch you. Thats what I deduced from your frequent verbal sparring that usually turned into fist fights. Besides, I could understand it." The pastel haired yami blinked. "Before Malik and Marik came along, you were the incarnation of sex. Still are in my mind."  
  
"You fancy me Seto?"  
  
"W.what?! N.no!" Seto sputtered, a faint tint of pink coloring his face. Bakura laughed, earning a sneer from Seto. "I can't help it that your hot. Ryou was ice, you are fire. Ryou was sugar, you are spice. Ryou was pure, you are not. You represent all thats dark about the world, a mystery of sorts. And...thats attractive, finding out who you really are. Wearing leather doesn't help either," Seto poked a leather clad knee. "Now would you please cease smirking at me before I punch you?"  
  
"Sure you wouldn't get off on that?" he muttered, returning to the journal.  
  
I dont believe that about Seto. After all, he did save me and Reno hasn't bothered me since. Today, during lunch, I went outside to my usual spot and guess who should be there? Seto. We talked the entire period. Bakura told me later that Seto was also that King of Games. Anyhoo, he's not so bad. Not like how Joey was making him out to be. He's got alot of pride and emotional problems to deal with but I know I can help him. I'll make him human again.  
  
Bakura sighed, closing the journal. "I wish I could have been there for him. I used him. I used his body to go onto the Duelist Kingdom island, duel Yami Yugi, and then steal the Sennen Eye. I never thought that I was putting him through any sort of turmoil."  
  
"He loved you Bakura. It was the only way he could be near you and in his mind, gain your approval."  
  
".....I regret saying this but I'm in your debt."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Taking care of him when I was too blind to see that Ryou needed me."  
  
They relapsed into stony silence.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
YAY! I updated! ^-^ lol. Thanks for reviewing, means SOOOOOO much to me! @_@ 


	5. Tourniquet

Letters to my Yami

Disclaimers: Yugioh does not belong to me

Warnings: Male x Male, OOCness

Chapter Five

**April 18th, 2061**

_I feel like I've finally found what I've been searching for. This morning, I was running late for school (isn't that hard to believe?!) and suddenly, this car pulls up beside me. It was Seto. You know, I almost thought he was going to run me over from that sadistic gleam in his lovely eyes. (Am I masochist?) At least he noticed me. He spoke to me, asked me if I wanted a ride. Heh, who was I to decline? We held a somewhat forced conversation on the way to school. I tried to pry into his personal business and he nearly bit my head off. What is it about him that makes him so guarded towards the rest of the world? What sort of tragedy occurred to leave this...this shell of a human being that used to have a soul? Maybe one day, he'll tell me. Oh, I feel so embarrassed. I'm already planning out forever-happily-ever-after. Shame on me. I don't even know if he likes other boys. I doubt it. He's too gorgeous to swing my way. Though, isn't it usually the pretty ones that are gay? He's not pretty. Pretty is me. Cute is Yuugi. Handsome is Jou. Beautiful is Seto. _

_I guess I sort of hope that we might be able to have a relationship but who am I kidding? He's a billionaire that can have any man or woman he wants at his beck and call. More experienced and attractive lovers. Oh, I have to stop thinking about him. What's that they say? The more you ignore love, the deeper it buries itself? I've never had truer thoughts then these. Perhaps, my heart's already made it's mind up. It wants Seto. I **know** my body wants him. I only have to imagine what he would be like naked to immediately need to take a cold shower. I've never been affected this way before in my life! That's a lie. Yami no Bakura can make me feel the same way. Though, essentially, he's my twin. Is that like wanting to have sex with yourself? I'd just die if he read this but I don't even think he can read. From what I've picked up on, he didn't have a very nice life in Egypt. He was thief from what I deduce. And thieves can't read._

_If I had to choose between Seto or my yami, who would it be? Not like it's going to happen. It's a pleasant fantasy to imagine them fighting over me. I'm blushing like a bride on her wedding night! One day, my dream might become a reality. I'd be a very happy boy if it did. _

_Ryou Bakura_

"Ryou wasn't pretty. Ryou was gorgeous," Seto admitted, setting the journal down on the couch. "I didn't think he'd been attracted to me from our first meeting. He never told me. I never asked either. It's obvious that he loved you." Blue eyes glanced at the sullen yami. "And it's obvious who he chose though, I don't think it was a decision. I think it was something he knew he had to do. He knew that your main goal was in pursuing the Sennen Items."

"You're one to talk. You're only goals have been about your business. Did you ever separate your professional life from your life with Ryou? Did he ever take first place over your inventions?" Bakura snorted, shaking his head. "Well?"

"I'm sorry to say that no, he didn't take precedence over my company. My brother doesn't even come that close. I spent my entire life busting my ass just to make it in this world. Ryou understood and he wasn't bothered by the fact. He was content to be with me when I came home."

"I guess we'll find out soon enough if that's how Ryou actually felt."

"I suppose we will."

**April 20th, 2061**

_I've just secured my place in the Duelist Kingdom. I don't really know how but I received my letter in the mail. I think Yami had something to do with it. I hate to think about what he did to get the job done. In two days, I leave. I'm nervous and anxious; because of what Yami might do. I'd hate for him to kill someone and that would in turn get my in trouble. I doubt I could tell the police that my other half murdered a bunch of people. They'd lock me up in a strait jacket and throw the key away. Then I'd be stuck with Yami for life in an asylum. At least I wouldn't be lonely. The voice in my head would keep me company. _

_Seto and I had a date. Okay, it wasn't a date, **date** but it was close enough. We went to the movies as 'friends.' In my demented mind, we went as boyfriends. I'm positive that's what some of the couples thought. Especially this really old couple behind us. We went and saw Alien versus Predator. I have to say, those movies usually don't go up my aisle but that one did! At first I thought I should root for the Aliens because the Predator's killed all of the humans on the camp but later on, the Predator's became the good guy's. I got so scared a bunch of times. I actually held onto his hand and he let me! I rested my head against his shoulder throughout the really scary parts. He didn't seem to mind. I cried at the end and can you believe it? He wiped my tears away. This couldn't have been the same asshole during school that Jou hates with all his passion. I thought the Alien's might have gotten a hold of him. Yami seemed to be interested in the movie, anyway. I know because he was cheering at the gory parts. Freak. _

_Okay, so if the hand holding and shoulder-resting wasn't enough, he walked me to my door. I felt so lighthearted, like I was floating on some distant cloud without a care in the world. We got to my door and said our goodbyes. Just as I was about to go inside, Seto pulled me by my arm and **kissed** me! It wasn't anything too intense, just a quick peck on the lips but it was enough to send me to heaven. I'm hoping he'll call me later on tonight and we can talk about what exactly that kiss meant. I might not be exactly well taught in the area of friendship but, I know that friends don't kiss each other at the end of the night._

_Ryou Bakura_

"I didn't mean to kiss him." Seto laughed, remembering Ryou's face and how sweet he'd tasted. "It was the furthest thing on my mind. In fact, what I wanted was to just shake his hand, tell him that I'd had a good time but when he turned around and those eyes were fixed on me... I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to bring some happiness to him. Of course, with that first kiss, I knew I wanted more. I made it my mission to seduce Ryou, not expecting the consequences. I fell in love."

Bakura nodded his head, folding his arms in front of his chest. "You're not the first one to stake their claim on him. He never saw how wonderful he was. It's too late now. I should have acted sooner. I could have saved him."

"No one could have saved him, Bakura. Ryou's time had come and he was prepared to say goodbye. Believe me, he wasn't afraid of dieing. You know, he told me everything there was to tell about you. He told me several times that he loved you. I was jealous and rightly so. Even back then, I had this fear that he would never love me like he loved you. You're part of his soul. Nothing can change that, not even death."

"Yeah," Bakura breathed. "Did he ever forgive me?"

"Everyday."

**April 21st, 2061**

_Alright, I'm througouly and utterly confused. Yesterday, Seto kissed me and today, Yami kissed me! Was he jealous of me and Seto. He didn't even offer any word of explanation. He just grabbed by my shoulders, flung me against the wall and kissed me. God, I know my back's bruised. He needs a lesson in romance and courtship. Maybe they did things differently back then. Anyway, this wasn't like Seto's kiss. This kiss was all about control and power. And unlike Seto's kiss, this one was much, much more erotic. His hands were all over my body, touching in places that I hadn't been touched in a while. His mouth was everywhere, on my lips, earlobes, neck, shoulders; consuming me. That's a good word. Consume. Like he was consuming food, he was trying to eat me. Once he'd locked lips with me again, his hands were in my hair and his tongue was trying to play tonsil hockey. Then as quickly as it had began, he was gone. Just, upped and vanished into thin air. Oh, I was furious. Here I was, completely ravaged with a raging boner and the bastard left me hanging. So, cold shower, I went._

_I can only assume that Yami knew about my and Seto's kiss. I don't know if I should be flattered or disturbed by Yami's apparent envy. On the one hand, if he's jealous because I'm thinking of being with another boy, that's good. However, if he's jealous because he doesn't want his property being stolen away from him, that's not good. I just want to slap him but then I know I'd only be setting myself up for punishment that I really don't want to receive. One more day and it's off to Duelist Kingdom._

_Ryou Bakura_

"That's....news to me." Seto shook his head. "I didn't know you two had kissed.'

"I wouldn't call it a kiss. I'd call it that I was in my bitch mode and I wanted to make him suffer for even thinking about going near you. Now, yeah, I admit I was jealous. I had Ryou by his nuts before he began to show interset in you."

"You love him."

"Yes."

"_All I wanted was to be loved and, my fondest wish will never become a reality. Not with the man I want at least."_ Ryou's voice came to Seto's mind as he stared at Bakura. Life wasn't fair at all. Not for him, not for Bakura and definitely not for Ryou.


End file.
